Circle of Life

I haven't written in so long I've nearly forgotten how to write! I'm writing now because I'm bored, not because I have anything really important or interesting for that matter to say. I'm on holidays from work this week, not the norm, but circumstances have dictated it that way. The kids are also off so I'm playing the "mummy" role for the week. I'm not very good at it however, I'm good at the "caring" role but lack the patience required when being in the company of a teenager and a pre-teenager 24/7! And the awful thing about it is that it brings back memories of times long gone between my brother and myself - the inability of my son to let my daughter walk by him with hitting her, or tripping her up, or just generally annoying her, astounds me in one way and on the other hand, just brings back memories of my own childhood. What can I say, I was the pre-teen girl and my brother was that teenage boy .... and so the circle of life continues ..... some day, hopefully in my life time, they will have children and will remember these days, the way I remember them, and maybe then they'll come to me with sorrowful looks and apologise for all the grief (wishful thinking on my part!).

There isn't a day that goes by when I don't think about my mother and wonder how different my life would be if my parents were still alive to share it with me. But of late, I find myself wishing she was alive so I could apologise for all the grief myself and my brother caused her during those pre-teen and teenage years - how wonderful it would be to talk to her about all this, to hear her words of wisdom ... in fact, how wonderful it would be just to hear her ....

I feel I have lost so much from her absence in my life and so have my kids but that's the way it was meant to be I suppose, and although when I think about her for too long, I always want to cry, I hear her saying "no point in crying over spilt milk" ... so I blink back the tears and carry on .... cause that's what we do .... the circle of life.